Monday, October 24, 2011

Just one big fat letdown!

I got a new job.

I searched all weekend for just the right thing to wear. I ended up going with what was in my closet. My comfortable, tried and true outfit that says I have it together but I am not that into myself. My husband and I went for a drive to see where I would be going, of course I got lost since I am new to the area but we found it. I tossed and turned all night, my anxiety gnawing at me like ants on my skin.
I awoke early, had some coffee and looked at myself in the mirror. Oh I look so old these days. My hair is not at a good length and my color is more mousy brown then highlighted blond. But still I was oh so excited.

I felt like the new kid going to school for the first day. So anxious to fit in and make new friends. I was already picturing lunch with the girls, pedicures on the weekend, maybe the occasional happy hour.
My memories of work friends from times past had me hopeful that I would get to experience that again.

I put on my makeup with a careful hand, making sure that it was not to much. I didn't want to look like a street walker on my first day. My hair refused to fall into place but with a little hairspray and some coaxing it turned out okay.

The drive over I was nervous, biting my nails and feeling the panic start to set in. I prepared myself for the questions, the looks and the eyes that people seem to grow after you tell them your story. Because this time I wasn't going to pretend, I wasn't going to lie. I was ready with my words. I was prepared. I felt strength that I have not felt in quite sometime. Nothing was going to get in my way.

But then I got to the parking garage, oh man it was huge. I got totally turned around and went out the wrong side. So not being familiar with the downtown area, I was lost! LOST! My heart started to race because it was still dark outside and it was getting close to the time I was supposed to arrive. I must have walked about 6 blocks out of my way. So I finally started asking people that I ran into. I was kind of excited to see several lovely ladies, dressed to the nines, high heels and briefcases. I don't know why but I wanted to work in an office like that, I wanted to get dressed up everyday and wear pretty shoes.

Finally I found the building, it was beautiful and I was so ready to take the plunge. But guess what their name is not on the directory. I had no idea how to get to the office having not done my interview at this location. I finally figure out where to go. I step in the elevator and of course it is one of those mirrored ones. Not a great picture. I had been sweating from all that walking and worrying about being late on the first day. My hair had fallen flat, my makeup looked sticky and well I just looked frumpy. But I was still going in.

Then I get there. Let me tell you, nothing glamorous about it. My job that was supposed to be in the accounting department was basically in the mail room. Opening mail and posting checks. Hello this is not what I went to school for?? This is not the career I am pursuing. The women were older, mostly grey haired and all mostly smokers because I could smell it so strongly. None of them were wearing pretty clothes. As a matter of fact I looked pretty damn stupid. They were wearing sweats and jeans. I was quickly informed that the office is pretty casual. No talking is allowed during work, no music or headphones of any kind. Breaks were structured and lunch is only 30 minutes.

What a let down. And all that planning and thought was for naught. No one even asked me the question I was so prepared to answer.

How many children do you have?

I don't think this is the job for me and it sucks because with the holidays around the corner I really need to make some money. Especially since my kids are asking for some high ticket items. So I will keep going for now and hope that all those resumes I have been sending out will soon get some responses.

Major fail! When do I get to find my happy again?


  1. I used to believe in Karma - for every bad thing that happens, you get something good in return... and I must be having a hard time letting that go, because whilst I was reading your post I felt like shaking my fist at the world and saying "Come on, when's the good stuff she's owed coming?" Unfortunately, I don't think the scores always get evened nice and neatly.

    Well done for being brave and going for a new job. And even though it's a disappointment, I'm impressed that you are sticking at it for a while... well done you. I hope it is at least tolerable while you search for something better.

  2. I have to congrats you on your strength and courage. Hopefully you will eventually find something.xo