Wednesday, November 16, 2011

In the air I breathe.

The pool sits empty of bodies. Just dirty leaves floating. Sometimes the shadow of the trees create patterns of movement across the water. I suppose it is a strange comparison but the pool is an echo to me. Words, sounds, movements of past echoing through the wind. I hear it. It pulls me backwards. Dragging me under. As if I was below in the murky waters trying to get a glimpse of what is hovering just above.

I remember as a child fearing the water, afraid of the fist of death right below my toes. My lungs couldn't quite expand enough. I was like a fish out of water but ironically in the water, gasping, open mouth, chest rapidly moving up and down. I spent my time clinging to the cement sides, digging my toes into the wall in fear of slipping away. Then one day my fear just left me. I was a fish, gliding through the cool clear water, trying to pretend like I knew some type of magical mermaid dances.

I wanted my children to love the water, I wanted them to be fish and to feel the joy of the water running across their skin. To know the excitement of that first summer swim after a long cold winter.

I swam with Braedon when he was growing inside of me. I sat with my big belly before me enjoying the warmth on my skin. I played dead man floating because it was comfortable to be in the water like that. I laughed with my children as they showed me their backflips and performed handstands underwater.

I bought Braedon a little swimsuit and a coverup. I thought when he was big enough I would buy him a little floatie. I would teach him to be a fish. To float on his back, close his eyes and let the water carry him with its waves.

The pool sits empty now, to cold for anyone to enjoy. I see it when I walk outside, when I walk to the mailbox. It beckons me into it's waters. I hear it echo of memories that may never fade.

2 comments:

  1. Beautiful post. We all have something that echoes those memmories to us. The ones we wont ever get to relive.xo

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  2. I'm glad you got those moments with Braedon, floating in the water together.
    It must be hard, to see it so sad and empty now. xx

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