“In a Wonderland they lie, Dreaming as the days go by, Dreaming as the summers die:
Ever drifting down the stream- Lingering in the golden gleam- Life, what is it but a dream?”
― Lewis Carroll, Through The Looking Glass
Ever drifting down the stream- Lingering in the golden gleam- Life, what is it but a dream?”
― Lewis Carroll, Through The Looking Glass
Days go by, moving one into the other. Clocks continue to move forward and so do I. It is as if I am stuck here on this side, looking through the glass into another world. I can see myself going through the motions of the everyday.
I don't want to move away from yesterday. The need to hold on, grip tighter, cry deeper it is there. But there on the other side life is required. That person, she has to continue to live, to mother her children who are still alive.
Here on this side, I want to Mother the child that is not alive.
Beautiful post and so true. I find myself on that side as well mothering a child that is only in my past. I dont spend much time in the present.
ReplyDeleteI had never solidified my views on afterlife, heaven etc before all of this happened... and although I still haven't, I love the notion of one day, all of us, Me, my husband, Seamus, and any other children we may or may not have... one day we will all be together somewhere. I really want to believe that there will be an end to this separation at some point. It's just going to be a very long time - and life in the meantime is hard. Trying to find a way to live and enjoy life again in the meantime is SUCH a challenge.
ReplyDeleteThat is a beautiful quotation.
ReplyDeleteCertainly in the days and months following G's death, I had a strong sense of watching myself from the outside. I could somehow view myself, carrying on and doing all sorts of everyday things, but it was a though I was watching myself from a far off place, through glass as you say. Such a strange feeling, it still catches me sometimes. Like an aftershock almost, from three years ago.
I think you've summarised it perfectly, the reason why this happens, because we want to stay with a child that is not alive, because we love them and want to nurture them. I don't know but I hope they do lie in a Wonderland and that we will find them again somehow xo