Monday, February 6, 2012

Cold Cement

I could feel it through the thick padding that I have built up this winter. I haven't bothered with the whole scraper on the feet.

I have been in the who cares mode for too too long. Old, chipped polish from months gone by still lingers at the tips of my toenails. I lost that bit of me. The girl that loved the pampering. I am returning to her slowly in that small way, wanting pretty things and pretty toes. Wanting my hair colored and ends that are not burnt from lack of care.

(Or maybe I am returning to a different me that wants long flowy skirts, dreadlocks and no bra. Could I be transforming and not even know what is becoming of me?  Nah probably not, I need a haircut and I like my showers)

I leaned upon the railing, the metal still slightly damp from a heavy rain that must have fallen whilst I was dreaming. (I do still dream, I think)

The rain had formed lovely little puddles all over the area. There in that moment I could smell a hint of spring. Too early for that yet but it was a tease, a bit of what is to come. The trees have started to form tiny buds upon their branches. Life is starting anew.

The seasons have all rolled by so quickly. In his time, it was Fall, Winter, Spring and Death. Never summer just death. Heat so misreable all we could do is sit and pour out our sorrows with sweat. Fall came and so did the rain. Rain that made the tree limbs bend in sorrow. Some crisp mornings to stir the blood but the temperature has yet to drop that low.

Winter it is here but it is also almost gone. With my feet bare upon the cement, I felt it. For just a brief moment. A promise of what is to come. New life, a new day, a new me.

The drizzle was still coming down in that moment and if the mundane of life had not called me away, I would have walked out into it all. Thrown my head back and let it wash me clean and alive once more. I would have gone barefoot and felt that coolness touch me. My arms flung wide, I would have spun around and around, around and around and around.

Then I had to put on my shoes and my feet became warm once more.


  1. That was a beautiful rendition of who we were, who we are, and who we dream we will be. xo

  2. Spring is on its way here too... and it feels as though we're moving back into the season of Seamus. I cannot believe that we've almost done three whole season's without our boys... I'm glad you are starting to feel a change though, even if only momentarily.

  3. winter, spring and death yes... This is beautiful and powerful Paula.

    This is our first winter without Liam, and we had so dreamed about showing him the beautiful snowy mountains and icy lakes. We are people of nature and I wonder if he would have loved nature as much as his parents.. I'm doing so much wondering now. Missing and wondering what could/would have been.

    Thinking of you, babe and baby Braedon today my friend. x

  4. I'm glad you felt that promise and I'm sorry that life got in the way of your walk in the drizzle.

  5. Beautiful. Paula your "voice" is very touching.