About two weeks after Braedon was born, we took a trip to visit family and pick up our boys. They had gone to visit with family. I thought they needed that distraction, I wanted them to have a little bit of their summer having fun. I told Rick we will go visit my brother. He will do a good job of distracting us. My brother the wine guy, the one who always has something for you to drink, music playing in the background, a funny story to make you smile. I figured we could use a good laugh and maybe we could get drunk enough to numb the pain.
My brother did just that, he served us drinks as soon as we walked in the door, he gave us hugs and he did such a good job of making Rick smile. I wanted to see him smile again. But then he (my brother) went to get something out of his car and tripped and fell. He twisted his ankle. As he sat with his foot propped up, covered in ice, I realized that he was not okay. My big brother, the jokester, the wine guy, the one who makes everyone laugh, he was not okay. He cried for us! He hugged me and tried to comfort me. My big brother loved his nephew. Even though he was in another state and never saw me pregnant, he still loved his nephew. When I asked if he wanted to see pictures, he got such a sad look on his face. He said, he couldn't handle that right now. He was scared it would be too hard.
I guess that is what this ticker thing on my blog marks, the days in between the beginning and the end. The days where we hurt and the days we cry. It also marks the days that we love and discover the people who love us. The family and friends who will always remember our sweet baby boy. I guess I will keep the ticker for now. Maybe one day I will look at it and think, wow we made it this far, we are still alive and we are that much closer to meeting him again.
All I can say today is I miss you. I miss you, I miss you. My sweet baby boy, how I miss you. I wish I could hold you one more time. I tell your Daddy how much I regret not holding you longer, not kissing your face one more time. Wait for me baby boy, when I get there you have a whole bunch of kisses and hugs coming your way.