Just a little daydream I had today while hanging out in the bathroom.
Mirror, Mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all?
Not you fat ass!
Me-"Um, babe can you bring me a broom"?
Babe-"Sure, what happened"?
Me-"I accidentally threw my brush at the mirror again"!
I remember when this body was something I was prideful of. Maybe a little vain about. My hair was long and shiny and I was proud to go out in public. Now these breasts that I wear, have started to droop and this belly is covered in lines. Tell tale signs of age are marching across my face. My butt isn't quite as firm and my skin is not as soft as it once was.
My youth is slipping away and I feel time is no longer my friend. The years that strech out before me are now full of a kid who will be in college in the next four years. Little cousins who are now married with children, parents that are getting older.
I think Braedon was going to give me some of that back. I think I was hoping to be that Mom again with the little baby. The innonecence of them almost transfers to you. You just can't be that old when you have a baby in your arms.
Now I am left with more strech marks and broken heart, breasts that are empty of life and a knowledge that I can't turn back the clock.
I miss my youth right now. But I think I am just missing him and it makes me want to find that place in time that I have now lost. My own innonence that I lost with him.
I am so sorry for your loss. Its a devestating thing for anyone to go through. Thanks for letting me know that you didnt get much of a response of condolance cards or support either, I dont wish that on anyone but I feel better knowing we were not the only ones. I hear of so many moms that were lavished with family and friend support afterword and it made me sad and ashamed. I liked your post about the lillypie sticker, I had never thought of it in terms that we had made it this far. I havent been able to post one, I try not to think of the time that has passed. Somedays are okay for me but sometimes it feels like it just happened yesterday and the pain is still so fresh. I wonder if that to will one day pass.Braedon is a beautiful little boy.
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