Friday, October 28, 2011

What a day!

Today I hosted the Fall Carnival.

I was careful, tentative and shy. Yet I was also brave, straight forward and offering up my smiles like candy on a platter.

So many Moms and a few Dads. I had everything well planned, I organized like an anal retentive genius. Each parent had their stations. Games laid out and prizes ready to go.

The kids were in Heaven. I painted faces and handed out candy. I hugged many kids close to me as they told me thank and thank you again.

I met new parents, possible future friends, maybe. It is never easy to be the new Mom. Not sure of the clicks and what personalities prevailed. But I do think maybe just maybe.

I feel so desperate almost needy. I have no friends here and I have lost so many connections in real life. I am ready to have someone to talk to. Someone with kids the same age as mine.

But not someone for Braedon to be shared with. Not yet, it would take a special person to be able to know him.

All and all one of the better days I have had in a long time. Even with all the little ones. I was even able to handle the tiny ones and there were a few. I didn't feel angry or begrudge them of their babies. That was a first. I just was happy that it all turned out so well and maybe I was so busy trying to be Super Mom that I just didn't have the time to let the emotions take over.

But you know how it goes. After I left I did go to pick some stuff for dinner and spent some time grazing in the baby area, thinking I want to buy these sandals for Braedon's drawer because they were just so darn cute. But I didn't, I held back and I didn't fall apart. Tomorrow may not be so great, but today I made it.


  1. Well done you - you've handled things with such grace.

  2. I love that line " Tommorrow may not be so great, but today I made it." I say that to myself all the time. I think that is our motto now. I hope you make a good friend that you can relate to and hang with.xo

  3. I hope this doesn't sound silly but I feel so proud of you! I can almost see you there, so tentative with those carefully composed smiles. I can only imagine how much effort you have to put in to handle one of these events and it sounds like it went beautifully and that everyone had a great time. It isn't easy to be the new Mom and I know I've found it even harder to navigate those waters since G died. I hope that you find somebody who, in time, you will be able to share Braedon with xo

  4. You know what....One good day is something to be grateful for. It also sounds exhausting. But you know what.? You are a gem and I am sure you will make some new friends. with any luck it will be someone you can share Braedon with. :)