Friday, October 28, 2011

What a day!

Today I hosted the Fall Carnival.

I was careful, tentative and shy. Yet I was also brave, straight forward and offering up my smiles like candy on a platter.

So many Moms and a few Dads. I had everything well planned, I organized like an anal retentive genius. Each parent had their stations. Games laid out and prizes ready to go.

The kids were in Heaven. I painted faces and handed out candy. I hugged many kids close to me as they told me thank and thank you again.

I met new parents, possible future friends, maybe. It is never easy to be the new Mom. Not sure of the clicks and what personalities prevailed. But I do think maybe just maybe.

I feel so desperate almost needy. I have no friends here and I have lost so many connections in real life. I am ready to have someone to talk to. Someone with kids the same age as mine.

But not someone for Braedon to be shared with. Not yet, it would take a special person to be able to know him.

All and all one of the better days I have had in a long time. Even with all the little ones. I was even able to handle the tiny ones and there were a few. I didn't feel angry or begrudge them of their babies. That was a first. I just was happy that it all turned out so well and maybe I was so busy trying to be Super Mom that I just didn't have the time to let the emotions take over.

But you know how it goes. After I left I did go to pick some stuff for dinner and spent some time grazing in the baby area, thinking I want to buy these sandals for Braedon's drawer because they were just so darn cute. But I didn't, I held back and I didn't fall apart. Tomorrow may not be so great, but today I made it.

4 comments:

  1. Well done you - you've handled things with such grace.

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  2. I love that line " Tommorrow may not be so great, but today I made it." I say that to myself all the time. I think that is our motto now. I hope you make a good friend that you can relate to and hang with.xo

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  3. I hope this doesn't sound silly but I feel so proud of you! I can almost see you there, so tentative with those carefully composed smiles. I can only imagine how much effort you have to put in to handle one of these events and it sounds like it went beautifully and that everyone had a great time. It isn't easy to be the new Mom and I know I've found it even harder to navigate those waters since G died. I hope that you find somebody who, in time, you will be able to share Braedon with xo

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  4. You know what....One good day is something to be grateful for. It also sounds exhausting. But you know what.? You are a gem and I am sure you will make some new friends. with any luck it will be someone you can share Braedon with. :)

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