Need some advice from Nursing Mommas

I see a lot of visitors to my site but not a lot of comments. I am glad that there are those who stumble across my blog. I hope it helps in some way reading someone elses story. You can always email me if you need to talk. I often run short on time when reading other blogs and don't get a chance to comment as often as I would like.

I did consider starting another blog about the day to day of being a Mom to my living children and my new little one but between kids, work and school; I have no time for that. Plus I don't know who would want to read more of my dribble. So I hope that I do not hurt anyone by continuing to discuss my journey with living and loving my babies I hold in my arms and the one I hold in my heart.

Today I am asking for those who stop by to leave me a comment. I need a little advice from any Mommas who are currently nursing, nursed in the past or had a chance to pump and donate their milk. For any other BLMs out there, my heart breaks if you have yet to have this chance and my thoughts go out to you in hopes that your turn is right around the corner.

Even though this is not my first time nursing, it has been several years and my situation is a bit different now.
I am looking for reviews on a few things: good quality nursing tops at a low price, nursing pumps and nursing bras.

Honestly I do not care for anything out on the market that I have found. Several stores now carry nursing tops and the prices are okay but still a bit high. Targets line of nursing tops are just not my style. Some of the camis I have found at other stores are the kind that stick to your skin and with 110 degree days here, I want items that do not encourage sweat. I have looked online but without actually seeing them in person, I hesitate to purchase anything. I am also having a major issue with nursing bras, I have 6 different brands that are all uncomfortable. So what is your favorite?

I am also interested in what breast pump you are using? I will be returning to work soon and my Avent Isis Manual pump is not going to do the trick even though I love it for at home.

So leave me a note, what is your suggestion.

Day by Day

It is so hard to explain unless you have been where I am at right now. The clock is ticking and the days are moving forward but I am stuck in slow motion. I get up, make breakfast, get the kids to school, do my schoolwork so on and so on. Things are done but I am absent. I feel so distant from my own life. Some days after the kids go to school I just go back to bed. I spend time on FB playing mindless games and sometimes I go to the store. But I am just existing. My kids should be enough to get me motivated but that is not the case. I wait for my husband to get home so desperate to share my daily thoughts and have someone to talk to. I could call my family and friends but honestly right now the only person I want to talk to is Rick. I feel like I am not living anymore. I was supposed to be taking care of a baby right now. I had plans, things to do. Now what?? I am looking for a job since of course I now have no reason to stay home, but no one is calling me. I applied to be a substitute but I guess they are still waiting on my background check to come in because they haven't given me my log in to get jobs. I am truly lost. Lost in my thoughts, empty arms, empty everthing. This is a period of numbness, I really wish I could snap out of it.

My days go by,

melting into each other,

moments of silence and acceptance

moments of anger and disbelief

Where have you gone

do you sit in heaven on a cloud

looking down, wishing you were with me.

I sit looking up

wishing you were with me.

Sweet angel baby

Why did you have to go?

I don't know how to be me without you.